Quote:
Originally Posted by beachbum
I posted this on a couple other forums and some took me serious, so I had to put the disclaimer in there. Lol
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Heh, I believe it! Reminds me of the time I used one of those complaint letter generators on an old car forum I used to frequent. This was about 12 years ago. It went something like this...
My complaint about scootdawg.net
I am not short on words, so please bear with the length of this letter. First and foremost, scootdawg.net's pouty attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, scootdawg.net, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that I see how important scootdawg.net's disgraceful, tactless hijinks are to its faithfuls and I laugh. I laugh because if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, find that some of scootdawg.net's choices of words in its crusades would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "brain-damaged" for "ultraphotomicrograph" and "meddlesome" for "phoneticogrammatical." The truth hurts, doesn't it, scootdawg.net? I had a conversation recently with some unprincipled prevaricators who were trying to intensify race hatred. That conversation convinced me that scootdawg.net is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead.
scootdawg.net's worshippers employ carefully developed psychological techniques to influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any environment or activity that is predominantly cacodemonic. In reaching that conclusion, I have made the usual assumption that I certainly have a hard time trying to reason with people who remain calm when they see scootdawg.net guarantee the destruction of anything that looks like a vital community. scootdawg.net has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to institute change. scootdawg.net's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, if you looked up "venom-spouting-to-the-core" in the dictionary, you'd probably see its logo. I call this phenomenon "scootdawg.net-ism". The same might be said of irrational, mischievous pillocks. The problem is, if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that scootdawg.net thinks it's good that its convictions weaken family ties. It is difficult to know how to respond to such monumentally misplaced values, but let's try this: I plan to hinder the power of asinine insurrectionists like it. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that scootdawg.net insists that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Sorry, scootdawg.net, but, with apologies to Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so." I'm sorry if I've gotten a little off track here, but if I were a complete sap, I'd believe scootdawg.net's line that statism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society. Unfortunately for it, I realize that scootdawg.net's callow game of chess -- the ultra-uppity chess of cynicism -- has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this malodorous pickpocket and show it that its apparatchiks are tools. Like a hammer or an axe, they are not inherently evil or destructive. The evil is in the force that manipulates them and uses them for destructive purposes. That evil is scootdawg.net, who wants nothing less than to canonize fatuitous fast-buck artists as nomological emblems of propriety.
scootdawg.net is utterly dotty. We all are, to some extent, but it sets the curve. As I've said in the past, scootdawg.net's sympathizers insist that scootdawg.net can achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because every time scootdawg.net tries, it gets increasingly successful in its attempts to force some to live by restrictive standards not applicable to others. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought, but for imagination as well. We must inculcate in the reader an inquisitive spirit and a skepticism about beliefs that scootdawg.net's trained seals take for granted. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to make scootdawg.net answer for its wrongdoings. I close this letter along the same lines it opened on: scootdawg.net plants false evidence to incriminate its adversaries.
I couldn't believe how many people I pissed off!
I actually loved the forum, but everyone thought I was serious! I was flamed by everyone.
However, a few complimented me on my vocabulary.
